On a third day on three hours a meal

Its no big surprise..ok, it is...I have lost a pound and a half. let's face it, its all about recreating something that's gone. I've been thinking about what i looked like when i was in my late twenties. My body was smoking. Before the weight...at 164 pounds, I was really attractive. I want the weight back so i can look at that body again. I realize now that even if i lose the weight i will never have that body back. My breast are hanging, my ass has celulite. I am getting old. My skinn will hang off my arms because I have no musce tone, and almost never did, by the way. And so many stories have piled up about people who will be jealous and unhappy if i am successful at anything, it seems to me I have to get away from all this to like what i have now. The truth is, I look pretty ok now. even at 204.5 pounds. The every three hours rule isn't too bad; and i want to make it to the full 30 pounds off. I also need to go through some other pretty significant changes. I don't know.