Day Twelve - More Negative input?

I am suddenly beginning to see the trend of my own speech. In twelve days i have hardly said anything positive, and when there was something positive to say, i put it under a microscope. Its like I don't question the negative aspects, just the positive. That's a good thing. I wanted to see the way my language works with this "diet." I woke up this morning and weighed in at 208. Its not that i thought that this represented the actual weight. i did eat quite a bit of fat yesterday, but rather, i trust the negative more than the positive. the negative tells me where i am destined to go; the positive, where i want to go. I don't trust that what I want is attainable. Interestingly enough, I didn't have even a little elixir yesterday. I guess I got fed up with the mix. So I guess at the end of this project there is an understanding that I may not want success because it would mean that i am wrong about getting the things i want. I generally expect disappointment. There are a lot of reasons for this that go well beyond the physical health issues. I can begin with my childhood, but ultimately, I see things through a rather dark lenses. This is good to know. I have to begin to question my spirit now.