Day four - tasting lemons and maple syrup

I'm already getting sick of the taste of the elixir. I'm emotional today; woke up with the usual sad story daydream. Those are always the worst! They mark my day and I want to run away. Running away while on this detox plan is no picnic either. Even if i had the money to do it, I would have to prepare enough of this stuff to get away with it.

I've been getting pretty bad headaches in the evening. I think my body demands fat at night, so that's been the hardest thing to get used to. I'm also afraid that if I run, I won't write and that's never good.

I off.

I started a new blog which means I will be spending a little less time with this one. i am beginning to see the relationship between my appetite and my eating. I am depressed over my lack of urgency to finish my dissertation, so maybe its all true. Maybe I want to eat as a diversion from dealing with the things I have to deal with. I've never been so afriad of homelessness in my life, yet I fail to understand that what I am failing to complete today is directly related to that end. For some reason my headache is back, although I am begininning to suspect that its because I am still smoking. I don't know if I can stop smoking and detox at the same time. It seem implausible for me to take the two on simultaneously, and yet it seems to defeat the whole purpose of the detox. I have to remind myself that the detox process is not about a healthy body, per se. I still want to try and accomplish my cultural goal in observing a different cultural atitude towards health and fitness, but I am beginning to care a little less about where I cam from. I like the weight loss. Its all I care about in this project, which is why if I stop losing weight, and I believe I will plateau sooner, maybe in the next day or so, I will care less about the detox. I wonder if I will give up at that point. In other words, I find that I could care less about eating healthy. If it doesn't yield the benefits of significant weight loss, I just don't seem to care. So, the smoking, in that sense, makes sense.

If I can understand why healthy eating habits are making me better beyond weight loss advantanges, maybe I'll stick it out. So far, I'm hungry with a goal.