I'm still 209 and I ate a big bag of popcorn at the movies yesterday. Today I had a handful or two of cashews. My frantic obsession with why the weight won't drop easier is lessening. I could blame the popcorn and the cashews, but I guess the way I see it, I still should be under since the popcorn was about all I ate along with some scrambled tofu and a boiled plantain. I also think that given my diet consisted of McDonalds and KFC, my body's metabolism shouldn't be acting up so stubbornly since my calorie intake is a lot less, so is my fat intake under the circumstances. Its times like this that i think my body demands a very strict adherence that i can not provide; even then I think my body notes when i am restricting my diet. It has no problem gaining weight, but losing weight is another matter. It is on some type of survival mode that I can never seem to puncture. When I was younger I starved myself. I am human and i guess my humanity demands that i not restrict myself so much that i can't enjoy popcorn and nuts. Its an internal philosophical difference. Well, I'm having some squash now, and i guess that my body will resist and so will I.
The spaghetti squash is nasty. I never had it before, and I will never buy it again. Oh well. I guess I'll have to do with a salad or something. In any case, this really has very little to do with the health factors, doesn't it? Its just that I feel the same. I don't have more energy, although I have been coming up with ideas about my dissertation and other things. That's good. I still want to sleep, but that's not that easy either. My hours are very late, but when the time comes, I'm too tired to do anything, including sleep. I take the sleeping pills at night to keep from staring up all night. Then in the day, I want to sleep, but I can't. Its a perpetual exhaustion. I wish I could just think to write instead of waiting for the sleep to come, but its my habit. Working is not a habit I picked up that I perceive as "the good."
Anyway, I must seem like a whiner, but, ehhh, so what? The point is nothing has changed, so I am hoping for a superficial change...my body shape. Well, that's an ongoing war. Nothing wrong with me, just pure psychology.
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The spagetti squash wasn't good? Well, you can't think of it as spagetti, cause it really isn't. It'm much more like a stinggy sqash. Plus, if you oevrcook it, it turns to much, and that really is iky. ;) I'm enjoying your blog, and (forgive me) but find some parts of it kinda funny. :) Can't wait to hear about the grand finally. How was it when you finally ate some protein?
The spagetti squash wasn't good? Well, you can't think of it as spagetti, cause it really isn't. It's much more like a stringgy sqash. Plus, if you overcook it, it turns to mush, and that really is iky. ;) I'm enjoying your blog, and (forgive me) but find some parts of it kinda funny. : How was it when you finally ate some protein? The spagetti squash wasn't good? Well, you can't think of it as spagetti, cause it really isn't. It'm much more like a stinggy sqash. Plus, if you oevrcook it, it turns to much, and that really is iky. ;) I'm enjoying your blog, and (forgive me) but find some parts of it kinda funny. :) Can't wait to hear about the grand finally.
How was it when you finally ate some protein?
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