The friend who is doing this project with me mentioned that I was being "melodramatic." Am I? In-flu-ence is a virus. In one clear shot I can bag this whole project, or simply reduce it to "well, its just a couple of weeks of eating differently." What's the big deal? If it is a "big deal" its only a big deal because it is a microcosm of a larger project. In that way, its not so much melodramtic as it is a search for understanding. I have to admit that I was diminished by her statement. After all, it seems like we're moving into an era where doing things just don't have to mean that much. We can sum everything up to just another channel on life's TV screen. Perhaps it is all vanity; I'm alway sure to find everything I wondered about at this age will add up to little when I get old and gray; when my mind can only grasp what my body is able to produce. When that happens, the questions will seem vain and meaningless. in the meantime, I think there's a good chance that there is something to these questions. Calling it "melodramatic" merely divests things of their meaning, and in a world desperate for meaning, I wonder whether it really has any intention of pursuing the absent.
Speaking of bodies. I also mentioned that the interesting thing about this project is the idea that with science, there only lies matter over mind, and no longer mind over matter. What my body will do with this detox has very little to do with what I believe. I suppose I can leave my body to its idiosyncracies, but that's really not the point. The point here is that the dogmatic insistence of the science and rational community (that no matter what I think, if I use numbers and facts about the body's reaction to certain circumstances, I don't have to believe, I just have to submit) claims it will yield absolute truth. God complex.
I'm shaken up, not because it is true, this project will probably do to my body what the biologist and physiologists claim, but because the mind is beginning to matter less and less. When you look at it from that perspective, from just "matter-of-fact viewpoints, experiences count for very little. Oh, and yes, I am pissed off. How's that for dramatic? Who cares about creativity? Who cares about the beautiful? Who cares if you believe there are real dogmatic principles at play that corrupt your life instincts? If you just submit to science and rationality, it will make sense and joy can be tempered as well as depression. Still too dramatic? It all sounds like Sunday church all over again. Some habits are hard to break.
The funny thing is, if i don't do it like this, there is no reason at all to do the project. I mean, I can hear the argument, "its for your health." But what a bunch of bullshit. If you diminish meaning, who gives a fuck that you're healthy? You might as well eat what you want. Or, don't eat. Its all the same. Right?
I like that I can locate the struggle. As I said in my previous postings, its all about the struggle. Its a cultural thing. Now that there is a fight, I guess I have a reason to live. Some languages just can't be broken.
Oh, and by the way, emotionally, this is becoming a fun obsession.
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